I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
