He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
