took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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