Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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