he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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