I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Terrible idea I love it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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