I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
