My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
