Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
