how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
