DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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