Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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