dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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