fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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