just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
