I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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