is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
