No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
