Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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