woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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