Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, beer. Big fan.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
