I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
