I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
