She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
