dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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