rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
