sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
