We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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