sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
