Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
