Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
