btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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