When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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