the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
