Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
