I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
