GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize