He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
