The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
