Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
now i know why i became what i already was.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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