I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
