i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
