I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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