All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
