Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
