Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize