I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
