Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
