No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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