just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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