I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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