suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
