i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
