who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
