If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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