Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
