There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
