what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
