your thong is hanging out like whoa
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You smell like stripper and shame
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
