Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
