I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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