my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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