happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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