She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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