Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
