i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
