Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
