The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
