thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize