How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
