Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize