first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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