hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
