I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
