ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
