Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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