you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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