CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
