Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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