One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He passed out mid-signature
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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