now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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