I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
