You just made me feel so damn special
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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