i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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