Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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