We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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