Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
