i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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