Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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