so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
40s are totally the cure
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
