Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
