Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
