She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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