Me. At least after what I've been through.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
